dont-know-what-title
Jerk came just now. haha. Jian Hui’s gonna slap me. The reason he forced me to confront Jerk the other day was to make things clear. To hear/see him say to my face that he doesn’t love me at all. And then get him out of my life. I did ask him stuff like whether he loves me or not. Haha. Not that I don’t know. But I wanna ask for the very last time…so that however he treats me in the future…I won’t stupidly be confused and think that maybe I’m still somebody to him. So, as expected, he said he doesn’t love me at all, not even a lil. He never thinks of me at all when he doesn’t c me. Oh, and he did say stuff like it’s not love, but it’s some kinda ex-gf-plus-best-fren feeling. And he keeps repeating that we are best friends. Hahaha, of course I’m happy that he treats me as a best friend, but Donk was asking, “Best friend where got pintai geh?”
The thing is, not that I can’t accept a casual relationship like this. I don’t mind, just that I was a lil confused, because the jerk that I know will not do this kinda thing to his gf. So I stupidly thought that, haha, like what Donk said, ‘he unconsciously still have me in his heart’. Ok, now we know we’re wrong. Even though I refer him as jerk, I don’t really think he’s a jerk. But usually if u have a girlfriend and you’re still doing stuff with your ex girlfriend, you’re a jerk hahaha. And that makes me a bitch. So what if we’ve been doing this all these while…before he even knew his gf? It doesn’t make me less ‘evil’. Aih. Never thought this would happen to me. Hate myself. At the same time I’m also worried that he’ll never come again. I’m such a bitch. What ever.
I guess he loves his girl friend more than he used to love me. I accidentally saw his hp’s wallpaper just now. Can’t see clearly, because I was standing, and his phone was on the floor. But obviously it’s not the picture of that two bears anymore. I think it’s him and his girlfriend. When we were together, he didn’t put our picture as wallpaper/ msn display pic. Hahaha..i don’t even have a photo taken with him. aiyo what ever lar.
I was supposed to kick him out of my life after he said he doesn’t love me. yeah that was what I was told to do. But cannot lar. I can’t putuskan hubungan with him. I still want this friendship. And it’s really not his fault that I still love him (ok im so cheung hei.i said this a million times). I just need to keep reminding myself that I mean nothing to him. ok why am I still saying this, even after he said we’re best friends? Even after he said I’m the female friend that he cares the most?
I don’t know. I just think that he’s abusing this best friend thingy. I think we WERE best friends before he fell in love with me. That’s when I really share almost everything with him. We went to fun fair together, we talked on the phone, sometimes we have supper together, etc. now we don’t talk anymore. I can’t remember the last time he called me to chat. I don’t call him because the last 2 times I called, he wasn’t free. I’m not sure, maybe he didn’t wanna talk to me. So I told myself not to call him anymore. I honestly believe that I’m something that he doesn’t mind having, but it’s ok not to have it either. I’m just a supporting role in his life. Best friend? Bull shit. Anyway, it’s ok because I’m beginning to care less about those stuff. Best friend, normal friend, good friend, ex-girlfriend, what difference does it make?
He said I don’t tell him a thing anymore. It’s true; it’s my fault that we don’t share everything anymore. But how to share if most of the time he’s the reason I feel upset? how am I suppose to let him see this blog, if most of the stuff I write is about how miserable he makes me feel? He was looking at my browsing my laptop just now and discovered my blog. He saw the post about potential jerk. He asked me who is he, do I like him, and did he hurt me. wahahaha. Very funny. If only I love potential jerk, or if only potential jerk is the one who hurts me, I would feel much happier now. But no, til now, Jerk is the only guy that has the ability to hurt me.
Aiyo this post is so long. forgot wat else to write. bye for now.
The thing is, not that I can’t accept a casual relationship like this. I don’t mind, just that I was a lil confused, because the jerk that I know will not do this kinda thing to his gf. So I stupidly thought that, haha, like what Donk said, ‘he unconsciously still have me in his heart’. Ok, now we know we’re wrong. Even though I refer him as jerk, I don’t really think he’s a jerk. But usually if u have a girlfriend and you’re still doing stuff with your ex girlfriend, you’re a jerk hahaha. And that makes me a bitch. So what if we’ve been doing this all these while…before he even knew his gf? It doesn’t make me less ‘evil’. Aih. Never thought this would happen to me. Hate myself. At the same time I’m also worried that he’ll never come again. I’m such a bitch. What ever.
I guess he loves his girl friend more than he used to love me. I accidentally saw his hp’s wallpaper just now. Can’t see clearly, because I was standing, and his phone was on the floor. But obviously it’s not the picture of that two bears anymore. I think it’s him and his girlfriend. When we were together, he didn’t put our picture as wallpaper/ msn display pic. Hahaha..i don’t even have a photo taken with him. aiyo what ever lar.
I was supposed to kick him out of my life after he said he doesn’t love me. yeah that was what I was told to do. But cannot lar. I can’t putuskan hubungan with him. I still want this friendship. And it’s really not his fault that I still love him (ok im so cheung hei.i said this a million times). I just need to keep reminding myself that I mean nothing to him. ok why am I still saying this, even after he said we’re best friends? Even after he said I’m the female friend that he cares the most?
I don’t know. I just think that he’s abusing this best friend thingy. I think we WERE best friends before he fell in love with me. That’s when I really share almost everything with him. We went to fun fair together, we talked on the phone, sometimes we have supper together, etc. now we don’t talk anymore. I can’t remember the last time he called me to chat. I don’t call him because the last 2 times I called, he wasn’t free. I’m not sure, maybe he didn’t wanna talk to me. So I told myself not to call him anymore. I honestly believe that I’m something that he doesn’t mind having, but it’s ok not to have it either. I’m just a supporting role in his life. Best friend? Bull shit. Anyway, it’s ok because I’m beginning to care less about those stuff. Best friend, normal friend, good friend, ex-girlfriend, what difference does it make?
He said I don’t tell him a thing anymore. It’s true; it’s my fault that we don’t share everything anymore. But how to share if most of the time he’s the reason I feel upset? how am I suppose to let him see this blog, if most of the stuff I write is about how miserable he makes me feel? He was looking at my browsing my laptop just now and discovered my blog. He saw the post about potential jerk. He asked me who is he, do I like him, and did he hurt me. wahahaha. Very funny. If only I love potential jerk, or if only potential jerk is the one who hurts me, I would feel much happier now. But no, til now, Jerk is the only guy that has the ability to hurt me.
Aiyo this post is so long. forgot wat else to write. bye for now.
posted by sha_jadebutterfly at 1:44 AM
1 Comments:
hahaha... omg...*ngantuk* sudah~~~ LOL... aiyah... whatever la... best-friend?! SI FUTT GUI la!!! hahaha... forgot about him la... see now u got donk, moo, caw, and a pretty esther to support u wor... u can make it de! just give urself some times la...hahaha!! add oil!!! NOTE: forget about the break mirror thingy la!!! BREAK MY HEART ONLY~~~ sighss....=(
Post a Comment
<< Home