Love Jerk the way I love Nic Tse

After all the confrontation and stuff, do I still love Jerk? Is he still worth my love? Yes, I do. I still love Jerk, and I guess I’m not gonna force myself to forget him anymore. I’m gonna learn to love unconditionally. To give without expecting anything in return. There’s no such thing as not worth it. Love is unexplainable. There is no right. There is no wrong. Love is not like business. Not about earning anything. Love doesn’t necessarily need to be a give-and-take thing. You can give without taking. I don’t need to own him to love him. Because I already have him in my heart, and that’s enough.
(Funny, I never thought that I would love Jerk this much. When I was with Jerk, chai told me that siang n her were afraid that I don’t know how to appreciate Jerk. Maybe it’s because how unserious I was towards my relationship with johnwoo and Kelvin. They also said Jerk is a good guy and very loyal. Haha. See what happened? Haha.)
I think I’ve made up my mind, to stop finding anyone to replace jerk anymore. I know very well that I’m not desperate to have a boyfriend. And I’m not in a hurry to commit myself in another relationship. I was just trying too hard to forget Jerk. All these stuff about potential jerk are all nonsense. No matter how I try, I failed to ‘transfer’ my love to potential jerk.
I didn’t choose to love Jerk. I don’t wanna love jerk forever, and I believe I won’t. No, I will still love him in future, but it would be another type of love. I call that friendship. Meanwhile, before another jerk step into my life, I’ll just continue to love him. No, no, I’m not gonna try to win him back. I just wanna learn to love in a different way. I don’t wanna constantly be upset over tiny stuff related to him. I don't wanna think about how i should treat him, how to hide my feelings, or how to act normal. I’m tired. I’m very, very tired. I don’t quite remember anymore, how it feels to be happy. Poor Donk. She hasn’t really seen the happy side of me. LOL. Not my fault, donk. You should have known me at least a few months earlier. Yeah, you should have come to talk to me when we were in TBS. Oh, to Boon Kian, the ‘happy-fruit’ will be back. wahaha.
So, its ok tat I’m a nobody to Jerk. Its ok tat I only see him averagely 3 hours a week. Its ok tat he’s not using that teddy wallpaper anymore. It’s ok if he already abandons the white teddy and wet dream pillow case. Its ok tat we don’t chat on the phone anymore. Its ok tat I can’t go for movies with him anymore. Its ok tat I can’t ask him to bring me to fun fair anymore. It’s ok that he never offers to buy me supper anymore. Its ok tat he’ll never appreciate me. It’s ok even if one day, he decides not to come anymore.
I hope I can do it. Haih. I’m so broke that I haven’t buy nic tse’s new album. Listening to his song from hk radio right now. Yeah, nic tse(1st pic) is a person I love very, very much. hahaha. I’m mad. He doesn’t even know me. LOL. So what? Why can’t I love him? He’s a normal human too, right? I’ve always thought that my love for Nic Tse is a beautiful thing. I feel happy just by knowing that he is. I never expect to get anything from him. hahaha. I don’t know what type of love is it called. I should love Jerk the way I love Nic Tse. Never mind that I’m just holding a supporting role. Doesn’t matter that he doesn’t love me. As long as he’s happy. I’m imagining his happy face right now. (2nd pic)hahaha.I love to see him laugh.
Wahaha. OMG Shasha has grown up. See what love can do to a person...