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Trying to play sudoku just now but can hardly concentrate. Now I’m sitting here…thinking what productive stuff I have done lately.
Can’t think of any. I guess I’ve stop functioning for very long.
Besides burying myself in sudoku puzzles, I spent these few days wondering whether Jerk will ever come again. I also tried convincing myself that he really means it when he said we are best friends and that he’ll always care. Maybe I should just stop thinking this way. I know I can’t change the fact that he no longer loves me, so I really appreciate our friendship, or whatever ship you call it. And to be more realistic, I know I’m not gonna be a ‘permanent resident’ in his heart. I could be kicked out anytime. That’s why I treasure every single minute we spent together.
Because of him, I put aside all my so-called principles and dignity. I do stuff that do not seem to be right. I let him come and go whenever he wants to. I still talk to him when I promised myself not to. Sometimes, I stupidly offer to buy him supper.
I feel worthless. ..Or maybe I am.
But I didn’t mind, because I love him. I love him a lot, until I have nothing left for myself. I know there is no way I can expect the same in return, but I love him anyway.
For the whole week, after he left my house that day, I have this feeling that he’s already totally bored with me. i'm just something that he can take and throw away anytime. Now I’ve come to a conclusion that…not only he doesn’t care anymore; to him…I’m just an invaluable asset.
No, no. not even qualified to be an asset. More like a liability.
Maybe not. I’m just a worthless piece of…erm…erm…rubbish? shit? chewing gum? Whatever.
I don’t wanna ask or confront him anymore. It will just make me more worthless. I’ll just get lost. Not that it will ever affect him. Maybe that’s what he wants.
Hope I can really do it this time. I just survived my first day and it’s killing me.
p/s: Siang, sorry for dragging you out to yum cha with me and missed your friend’s party. Mafia Boss, thanx for cheering me up by calling me at 3am to talk about shit. :)
Can’t think of any. I guess I’ve stop functioning for very long.
Besides burying myself in sudoku puzzles, I spent these few days wondering whether Jerk will ever come again. I also tried convincing myself that he really means it when he said we are best friends and that he’ll always care. Maybe I should just stop thinking this way. I know I can’t change the fact that he no longer loves me, so I really appreciate our friendship, or whatever ship you call it. And to be more realistic, I know I’m not gonna be a ‘permanent resident’ in his heart. I could be kicked out anytime. That’s why I treasure every single minute we spent together.
Because of him, I put aside all my so-called principles and dignity. I do stuff that do not seem to be right. I let him come and go whenever he wants to. I still talk to him when I promised myself not to. Sometimes, I stupidly offer to buy him supper.
I feel worthless. ..Or maybe I am.
But I didn’t mind, because I love him. I love him a lot, until I have nothing left for myself. I know there is no way I can expect the same in return, but I love him anyway.
For the whole week, after he left my house that day, I have this feeling that he’s already totally bored with me. i'm just something that he can take and throw away anytime. Now I’ve come to a conclusion that…not only he doesn’t care anymore; to him…I’m just an invaluable asset.
No, no. not even qualified to be an asset. More like a liability.
Maybe not. I’m just a worthless piece of…erm…erm…rubbish? shit? chewing gum? Whatever.
I don’t wanna ask or confront him anymore. It will just make me more worthless. I’ll just get lost. Not that it will ever affect him. Maybe that’s what he wants.
Hope I can really do it this time. I just survived my first day and it’s killing me.
p/s: Siang, sorry for dragging you out to yum cha with me and missed your friend’s party. Mafia Boss, thanx for cheering me up by calling me at 3am to talk about shit. :)
posted by sha_jadebutterfly at 4:31 AM
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