I'VE-DECIDED-NOT-TO-HAVE-A-TITLE-4-THIS

I’ve always been aware that I’m an idiot in comforting people. I’m just not good at it. When friends cry in front of me…I don’t know how to react. I don’t know what to say. I usually end up keeping quiet. It’s better than saying something wrong and worsen the situation, right?

You see, I’m just a normal human being, and…ok ok, I’m NOT normal, I’m weird, I’m crazy, I’m mad, I don’t sleep at night and I look like a vampire without make up. But still. I’m still considered in the human category. Ok, cut the crap. The point is, I have weaknesses, and this is just one of them. I just never know what to do when someone cries. My friends know that. And it didn’t bother me at all.

Not until I see him cry.

I can’t describe the feelings, but I feel bad seeing him sad. I feel useless for not able to do or say anything to make him feel better. Maybe he’d think I don’t care. All I did was just sitting there like a stone with blank expression. Mad. Even idiots know stones have no expression. If they have, then they wouldn’t be called stone. Stones are stones. Because all they do is stone. Ok enough of stones. I’m starting to get psycho. I almost forget that I haven’t sleep. I can’t. So continue.

While stoning, I tried to figure out what is the best thing to say or do, but I can’t decide so I ended up keeping my mouth shut. Every sentence I think of sounds very lame.
Damn I hate myself for being so helpless. If only I know the right thing to say. Arghhh. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. He left me, remember? I should be happy seeing him suffer like this.

Mad. Not only I didn’t(does this mean i already berjaya halfway in my 'mission' to love unconditionally?wahaha). After he left, I even surf yahoo for ‘what to do when your friend cries’ (LOL), but didn’t find anything. I tried to put myself in his shoes. I tried to imagine that if I’m crying, what my family/friends can do to make me feel better. It depends actually. I prefer them to stop commenting or giving advice when I’m crying. I’d like them to hug me…and maybe say something nice. Say something like they’ll always love me no matter what. Or buy me ice-cream. Or do nothing but just be there and show me they care. Haha. How often do I cry in front of them, anyway? If I cry, I usually do it alone…under my blanket. Haha.

So that’s me. He may be different. And I can’t possibly go and hug him and say “its ok, don’t be sad, I’ll always love you. I’ll be there for you. You want some ice-cream?”
Wahahaha.

In conclusion, I’m still as clueless as ever. He’s crying over another girl, and here I am, feeling bad to see him hurt. Mad. All couples quarrel, ok. It is totally normal. I’m the one who’s not normal. About 10 hours have passed and they’ve probably made up right now, wrapped in each other’s arms, totally forgotten about the incident…but this idiot called Shasha is still awake and blogging about it. Can’t blame me. I was shocked to see him like that.

Let’s just hope that he’s already ok by now.

p/s:to be honest...its not their relationship that i worry about. i just dont want to see him upset. i care about him, not them. thats kinda selfish, isnt it?

byebye bumper

Just when I thought life is becoming a lil better, it happened. Chai was driving my car that day and I was in the passenger’s seat. It was raining. We were coming out from a junction where many cars double-parked. This car was coming very fast from the left but chai didn’t notice because her view was blocked by those idiots’ double-parking car. I tried to tell her but it was too late.
Damn it.
I went down to take a look. While I was opening the door I secretly wished to find only a lil scratch (which was impossible). I almost stop breathing when I saw half of the bumper landed on the floor. I don’t know how serious the damage is, but to me, if part of the car is only the floor, it spells t-r-o-u-b-l-e. I’m not sure how long I stoned there, but I didn’t care because that’s the only thing I felt like doing at that moment. Now that I recall back, when I was standing in the rain, staring blankly at my car…it was like a typical scene from a movie where the actress is having the worst day in her life (minus the background music and make-up). In my case, it’s not the worst, but ANOTHER bad day I have to face. Stoning there, I had a million things spinning in my head- what and how I’m gonna tell my family? How would they react? How much would it cost? Why do I have to spend money unnecessarily? Am I destined to dry up my mother’s savings and destroy my grandma’s property? Why did this have to happen? Why am I so bad luck? When is this gonna end? What the hell did I do to deserve this? Don’t I have already enough problems? Why am I in such a mess? Can I possibly be dreaming? What do I do now? Can I fix this without spending a single cent? How long do they need to fix it? How am I gonna use the car tomorrow? Who should I call? What are those idiots looking at? Why didn’t the car just bang straight into me? Why the bumper? Why? Just die. Just die right there.

Anyway, everything was settled later. We drove the car to the workshop near my place, and thank god it only cost about 100 bucks and a while to fix. Chai said she’d pay but later my grandma said we’ll pay her back, because it is unfair for her to pay, as she was only driving the car for a while.

What a day.

haih

I told myself to never ever ask Jerk to fetch me anymore. But I just did yesterday. Not that I had a choice ok. If I drive I would need to spend a fortune parking in…ok shut up. I can take the bus, I can take a cab, I can try to call other people…but I didn’t because I was looking for an excuse to see Jerk. How pathetic.